Top 10 List of Corporate Party Fouls

Let me start by saying that I myself am guilty of a few of these. I will also confess that yes, I did write this during working hours. However in my defense I must say that this may be the quickest post I've ever written - apparently I've been working on it for years.

Or I am a model of corporate efficiency.

Regardless, I bring you my personal list of top office pet peeves and workplace faux pas:

1. Emails and/or phone calls that begin with “Sorry to be a pain…”  Just stop talking and no apology needed.
2. Emails that ask for a read receipt.  What do you DO with all of those besides judge me for the time lapse between when I read and when I respond?
3. Email signatures that include first name in scripty font above the full name and address block.  Nice try, but we know you didn’t REALLY sign it.
4. Email signatures that contain a Twitter handle.  What, so now you can tweet me your endless list of demands?
5. The phrases low hanging fruit, up (or down) the pike, and hot button issues.  The visual is not helping and now I have nasty images of myself trying to grab at rotten apples while clients come riding at me in covered wagons that flash a big red “XXX” (in manner of Family Feud buzzer) every time I miss.
6. People who walk up when you are clearly in the middle of a conference call and ask “Are you on a call?”  No, but I heard that if you hold the phone up to your ear long enough, Elvis might answer.
7. People who walk up to your desk and ask “Are you busy?”  Nope!  Thank god you came along!
8. When someone forwards you an email chain that appears to have started in 2006 with the helpful note “See below.”
9. Emails the only content of which is “What is your phone number?”  Like I’m going to send it to you now!
10. Emails that are marked High Priority.  While hell hath no fury like the little red exclamation point, get in line.